Thank you both for those thoughtful replies. (Not sure why, but my Quote feature isn't workinng for my iPad, nor is the Thanks button.)
soverylost, yes, I agree: why is it consider "caring" when your H "rescued" you from depression yet it's "rescuing" when loved ones of addicts try to help?
BlueChair, that is such a good point--why DO we treat it so differently? Is it because the majority see addiction as a choice (as opposed to cancer)?
I'm reading more about the science of addiction and find it fascinating. I wonder if in the near future the neuroscientists of the world will reveal that moral character has a lot less to do with addiction than most think.