Originally Posted by
HealthyLiving 
I do find it interesting that I am spending about an hour a day reading the posts here (especially about Secular Recovery, which I never knew existed and would have suited him a ton better than AA). As far as I know, he has not taken any steps toward sobriety since I split, and here I am reading about programs for the first time. Hello codependency and "rescuing" and all the other labels that I thought didn't apply to me? Or can it just be love and caring? Where is the dividing line when you love someone?
Each of us have to answer these questions for ourselves, but Ive asked myself the question as to why I should treat my husband’s addiction, and my behaviors any different than if he had cancer, or heart disease. Both of these are chronic, life threatening. Both have risk factors that people can actively work on to limit their likelihood of being affected. Both have hereditary components, both can do damage to relationships, finances, social interactions, romantic relations, In all these other diseases you can ask yourself what am I getting out of this, is the cost to me worth the benefit. In both of these the person can be in denial of symptoms and delay treatment.
So why should addiction be viewed differently? Why should we act differently, or be considered codependent just because we are in one of these relationships ? Would you research heart disease, look for the best treatments, hospitals, try and make him see how serious this is if he was in denial? What if you found a lump but he kept saying it was nothing would you be codependent to pursue and continue to address your concern? The only difference I can see is with addiction we have to be careful not to enable and prevent the natural negative consequences of addiction to be removed because it helps people become aware of the seriousness, and break their own symptom of denial.
In any of these situations we can run the risk of letting it take over too much of our life, then we start to neglect ourselves and having personal problems, but I feel like family members of substance abusers were somehow singled out and labeled while other family members different diseases are not, they are said to be kind, caring, loving.
This would make a good thread all on its own, Id love to hear other peoples opinions on this topic. I hope I didn’t go off track, but what Im saying is I cant answer the part about your relationship, but I don’t think what you just described with learning new things about addiction is codependent behavior, its normal love and concern, plus educating yourself.