Lulu - I don't really have any suggestions on controlling anger but something that helped me in my early sobriety was keeping things simple, focusing on the immediately urgent issues (namely, caring for my Mom,) and letting the small stuff slide (and, believe me, much - like housekeeping - slid, and in the end it didn't really matter). Out of desperation, I was forced to re-focus and I found that it really helped. I hired a cleaning service to clean only the high traffic areas every three weeks. With the money not spent on wine, I purchased a Roomba (and then a second one; wine is expensive!!!! - FYI the cheaper Roomba models are just fine); I turned them on before I left the house in the morning to spend the day with my Mom and came home late at night to clean floors. Christmas cards went by the wayside for two years; if I couldn't reciprocate a dinner invitation, well - I just couldn't.
By keeping things simple, I found that I was able to maintain what sanity I had left. Sobriety is hard work; keeping up with life can be hard work; I had to convince myself not to make it any harder and I do think it helped.