We are not simply the sum total of our past actions - we're much more than that
I was sick...and then I got well, y'know?
If you can't face your past and there's a great knot of guilt shame and whatever else there...that to me would be something my addiction would be working on day and night to weaken me....
I faced myself at my worst by looking back when I was at my best. It was a protracted process rather like peeling an onion and yeah, it was painful - but it didn't break me...
I forgave myself, I felt a great sense of peace, and I moved on to the rest of my life
I think about it this way. I dont hang on to it. I've put it to bed etc.. its in the past i leave it there. But yeah obviously there is some kind of issue still isnt htere? If i think about it the reality is my life is rediculously better now then it was when i drank. So i think back on all the things that made it so bad and I could rattle of a long list of all the stuff thats my falt directly or indirectly due to my drinking and nonsense.
when bimini mentioned forging myself the first thing to pop into my mind is i could never forgive my stepfather for the same kinda nonsense so how then could I ever forgive myself? Plenty have told me over the years I should forgive him and I still cant seem to find it in myself to do so. But this isnt about him that just popped into my head.
the fact that I could not even discuss it with her urks me I feel like i missed an opportunity but i just could not go there at that moment.