I think like Bimini suggests you might want to look at why you can't forgive yourself, zjw.
We are not simply the sum total of our past actions - we're much more than that
I was sick...and then I got well, y'know?
If you can't face your past and there's a great knot of guilt shame and whatever else there...that to me would be something my addiction would be working on day and night to weaken me....
I faced myself at my worst by looking back when I was at my best. It was a protracted process rather like peeling an onion and yeah, it was painful - but it didn't break me...
I forgave myself, I felt a great sense of peace, and I moved on to the rest of my life
as for saying sorry...it's not really about that at all...or more accurately it's more than that. The link I posted up above explained it better than I could.
D