Originally Posted by
BlueChair 
Im sorry for how badly your hurting. When you broke up with him do you feel like it was done spontaneously as a reaction, or did you think it through and feel confident it was the right choice? Sometimes we love someone but realize in out hearts and minds they aren’t right for us, and these breakups are the worst. I think you just have to give it serious thought, and then if you feel there is more to discuss with him see if he’s open to it. He voluntarily stopped himself for a month, did he talk about why he started again?
It was spontaneous but after lots of doubt had built up in my mind over many months. I just couldn't give him up. I hate how that sounds but there it is. He has so many wonderful qualities, a great heart, etc. etc.
He had told friends that he was giving up alcohol/drugs for 30 days to prove to himself and me that he could do it and hinted that it was part of his longer plan toward sobriety (or, I think more like limited drinking, which I doubt is possible). He never said why he started again, though I (gently) reminded him that he had said he might do another 30 days soon after, and he basically didn't respond.
Really, bottom line for me: I want to be kind to this man. He loved me so deeply and I feel I ripped his heart out. I know addiction is at the root of it and I shouldn't apologize for wanting a life free of that craziness. But still, he was good to me in so many ways and I wish we could at least be friends (he's still close friends with his ex ex).