Chris, I have caller ID, and I have programmed my cell phone so that my brother's call has a different ring tone. Unfortunately for me, I am the only one he is comfortable confiding in. When he had problems with depression in college, it was the same way. When I don't hear from him, I assume everything is fine. When he calls, I take a deep breath and answer. I try to follow your advice and just listen and reassure him that he has support.
I knew my s-i-l was ticked after I argued with her. My brother called after I got home to tell me none of her siblings would have acted the way I did, and that I would never have treated any of my other in-laws in that manner. I knew that did not sound like him, that she must have told him just what to say. I groveled. I sent a hand-written apology card, saying that I was so sorry, it was none of my business, I had no right butting into something - - basically I apologized for everything she accused me of. I have not been to Texas since, and she has not been here, although my brother comes a few times a year. I have not seen their three children since that Columbus Day weekend, 2011.
I thought my groveling apology had put an end to it. I thought she was over it; I had no idea she continuously harps on my brother about it, and that he is ready to call it quits, until he phoned me last week. They are starting marriage counseling next week. Obviously, she has issues. It is very important to her that she live in a gated community, that she drive a new Lexus, etc.
I do not for one minute believe I was so horrible that she has kept on about it for three years. I think she has problems.
I just wish I could be happy about my sobriety instead of so on-edge and worried about my brother.
Thanks for caring.