I can really identify with what you are feeling. I've never felt okay with how I looked, acted, sounded, etc. Compliments make me uncomfortable because I don't believe them. I've noticed low self esteem is a common theme in alcoholism/addiction. In the past when I've stayed sober for a bit, I noticed the longer I stayed away from chemicals, the better I felt about myself. However I just got sober again last weeknow so I'm also starting over with the whole self image thing. I think therapy could be helpful. I've seen it help a lot of friends with similar issues. It's also nice to surround yourself with positive people who struggle with the same thing but are getting through it.
As far as wanting to drink the pain away, I always wondered whether I drank/drugged over my bad feelings, or if my bad feelings were caused by my drinking. I guess it doesn't really matter much just as long as we do something about it! I truly do feel for you, because I know the pain of self hatred and it sucks. I hope you can make it through this sober and I'm sending post I've thoughts your way.