Wow! You have been through a lot and it sounds as if you have coped very well. I too suffer from depression and could not shake the dark cloud that seemed to color my entire life without my medication. For some of us with depression our brains just dont work right and so we need help. Dont be ashamed its not your fault.
I have found one extremely important tool that is a must when I have a lot on my plate. It is actually scheduling time to completely disconnect from everything. I let my loved ones know ahead of time and then I do nothing. That time is mine and if I dont want to cook,clean,take a shower, or change my clothes than I dont. Its the only way I can deal without burnout sometimes.
Give yourself time.