Jeni, my friend
There is no reason at all to be disappointed in yourself!
Meds need to help us to cope with physical and chemical changes in the mind when going through a lot of stress and pressure.
Please, do not look at at it as a step back!
I do understand this feeling of darkness and being useless.
But you are so NOT useless!
Your job alone makes you one of the most worthy people I know - and I admire you for doing this - not everyone can handle it!
Stick with us.
And be kind and take a good care of yourself!
Sending you the most positive and sunny vibes!