I came here because I wanted to find out if I was crazy. My AH was making me feel crazy at times.And along the way I've gone away, come back, gone away, come back...
There are times when I really need to hear what people here have to say, and times I want to stay away because I know I'm not yet ready to take the step of leaving him.
Yes, he's done some horrible things, but the kids are out of the house now and it's SO much easier. I have my life, he has his...some would say that's not much of a marriage, but you know, we do share some common interests and for others, I have my friends and my family. My sisters are all married (none to As), but we all do a lot of things together.
I'll admit it--I'm lazy and don't want to have to go out on my own. He makes a comfortable living (yes, it could be gone some day, but most of the people in his industry drink a lot like he does, and I've seen a lot of them retire with good pensions, etc.). I guess I'm a gambler.
For me, I still struggle with the fact that I am a codependent. I have NO desire to help out, save him, rescue anyone. He cooks, cleans, makes my lunch daily, etc. If I'm sick, HE waits on me. I've really never even helped out on the rare occasions when he has a hang over (he rarely gets them--pretty used to the hard drinking now).
What I DO have a problem with is wanting to be right--not sure what you call that. So mainly--I came to SR because I wanted to be able to prove that I was NOT crazy--was NOT making all of this up--and that there was a reason he was saying and doing the things he did. Well, I agree--it IS because he's an alcoholic. And yes, I see some progression in his mannerisms. But I'm not quite ready to leave yet.
So I come back to read and comment and maybe get more info to make my decisions...and I have felt attacked, in the past, but I get it--the usual thing is that it's better to leave the A. I should have done that when the kids were young. But I didn't have the courage then, either. And I struggle having raised them in that environment. Thank God, for the most part, they're pretty normal.
Anyway--thanks to everyone for being here.