Torn it's so great to read your post, you seem like you are invigorated with a new energy. I've been there before when someone suggests moderation, I remember being in a supermarket and my friend saying "Why don't you just buy less?" It was heartbreaking. I told him if I bought less all that would happen is that I'd drink it all then go back to the shops for more.
Sooner or later Torn the motivation you need to finally say enough is enough will come flooding into you. When you have a moment to yourself try this; Go somewhere quiet and have a sit down, close your eyes and imagine yourself sober. Fully sober, clean and happy with many years under your belt and not having to deal with the troublesome AV very often. What does that Torn look like? What does she sound like? What does she do with her days, who does she hang around with? Hold that image in your head and just let yourself
know that that is the real Torn and that version of you is what is going to happen.
You have to know that something
better is coming your way when you quit. One day at a time.
Rooting for you Torn, we all are
