I have struggled, and continue to do so, wondering if I'm trying to find something outside of me to fix what's wrong inside of me. I do keep my focus on me, where it belongs, but I do live w/him, and I have wondered, on more than one occasion, if he was drinking again. I have seen some increase in responsibility, but not a lot, and he still seems to view AA as a social club. It's like he has done just enough to put out the fire and now figures he can coast.
The last time he claimed to be in recovery (about 5 years ago), he was pretending to go to meetings, and I believed that for 4 more years, even tho I often suspected he was drinking. But hey, he TOLD me he was sober and going to meetings, so I went along with it...and that bought him 4 more years of drinking. So he probably figures this will be enough to buy him several more years, during which he can probably gradually get back to drinking if he's careful. As I say, I already suspect that he is.
People here have told me that real recovery is unmistakable, and I'll know when I see it. I'm pretty sure this is not it.