Hi Jeremy.
I hope things have been settling down a bit for you.
No one here is going to antagonize you or withdraw their support if you don't go to rehab right this minute. You've been around here long enough to know this. You've also been around here long enough to know that people sometimes get frustrated, and that their hearts break whenever someone doesn't get the help they need following a long and exhausting fight to do things on their own. Most of us are all too familiar with both frustration and heartache, and the pain is as real as anything you've been feeling lately, though, granted, not always as extreme.
What's even more obvious, I believe, is that you need a rest, a healthy break from reality as you currently know it. You need tender loving care, and nothing short of that will do. And you need to stop fighting it as hard as you do. Sometimes we need to fall apart in order to come together.
When you're in the middle of a storm, sometimes the best thing to do is to sit still, rather than continually trying to fight your way out of it. I don't at all believe that the fight is worth it any more, and I think it's been that way for a while.
I honestly don't know what else I can say to you.