Thanks so much Snoozy - love you right back.
My BF has actually made it pretty clear that he wants to work on his own stuff, and me work on mine, then together we can move forward. He's not looking at it as a team at all. But that's okay. I've worked this solo with the help of this group. I just hope he can get back on track, but I'm trying not to worry about that. He said his goal is to be sober, and I just have to go with that right now.
In fact, I think that was part of his trigger for drinking this last time. He mentioned that people in his meetings keep asking him to mentor, or team up - and he doesn't want that responsibility. He goes to meetings, goes out socially with some folks (dinner and golf), shares in the meetings, but does not feel like he wants to guide someone else ("tell them what to do, what the rules are", "everybody's different, I can't give them any guidance") And I do think when I said I also felt like I'd not been supportive of his efforts by drinking myself, well that was part of the same stress. So it wasn't that I drank (he didn't think I had a problem, and wasn't expecting me to not drink), it was one of the reasons that I was upset that I relapsed (that I felt that I'd let him down)....
(Hope that paragraph above makes sense.)
I also reached out to a close friend and one of my sisters today. Even though I told them both that I believed I was an alcoholic, they basically said no your not. Does anybody else get that from friends/family? It's not that they want me to drink - in fact they were very supportive of my saying that I will not drink again - but for some reason they just don't want to let me label myself as an alcoholic.
Thanks again - you (and all the Julyers) are the best!
NCG