Originally Posted by
soverylost 
Thanks, allfor, engaging is definitely something I can do! LOL! I guess that it's learning to engage positively, which I do have problems with. I hold a lot of anger and resentment towards him that I need to work through, it does not promote healthy communication.
And that's exactly it, with us, communication. We used to communicate very well. then the drinking got more and more, and walls went up more and more, we both stopped communicating. I've got a lot of hope that this program, as well as our counseling, will help that.
I saw our counselor on my own yesterday. He wanted to see each of us individually. He is confident he can help us, but we both need to be in this 110%. I am, and I'm sure AH is. he hasn't drank for a week and has been working very hard on his temper and frustration levels. I have a lot of hope at the moment where I didn't before.
This is good news
I had to intervene to get my husband to go into treatment, but after a while it clicked and he really wanted to recover and get his life back. One of his motivations was our son, he was an infant at the time... I should clarify it wasn't my son exactly; it was all the dreams, and the future my husband envisioned for himself, and being there as a dad was a big motivation for him. We had a good relationship too until he started using, then we ended up separated for about a yearl; barely spoke.
He had to work on quitting the drugs, and then we both had to work on the marriage. I know its really hard to be where your at... the future is unknown, and there are no guarantees. I just knew there were certain things I had to do, had to try.. otherwise I would have regretted it. It sounds like you found a good therapist.. I will be sending up prayers for you both.
Like you said in the later post.. you have already started changing some of your behaviors and your seeing a difference... this is good too.. Do you feel a little more relaxed at home? I think in one post I read before.. you were saying you felt like he held the power.. do you see now you will be able to reclaim your power? You hold the key