Originally Posted by
soverylost 
So how do you work through your anger and bitterness? I genuinely love him, and want to have that great relationship back, but sometimes my resentment takes my breath away. It's like a demon living inside my heart, if that makes sense. It says to me, don't get too happy, don't trust too much, don't believe him, he's hurt you and he's going to again. Those feelings come at the strangest times, so I'm almost taken by surprise. I have to force the feelings back down to feel the happiness and love again. Does that make any sense at all?
Of course it does !!
I wish I had the answer but I don’t. I think its good to remember you and your family have suffered because of his illness. He has a responsibility in this because hes not just a man, hes also a husband and father.It helped me to understand the way addiction works inside the person. Its sneaky and lies to them, and this is why its so illogical. Its doesn’t take responsibility off them, but for me it helped shed some of the anger. I think its important to find your voice, and have an outlet to express your feelings. Explore whats been locked inside because with me if it sits there it grows bigger inside me, or I push it down knowing it will come back with a vengeance later. Other people here dealt with it longer than me and had a bigger list of hurts Im sure, but the hardest thing for me was his cheating. I wont get into that but it felt like it cut me, reflected on me, and it took me a while to work through just this part, then to deal with my feelings about him. The individual counselor and the marriage counselor should be able to help you I hope. I got a lot of help this way, and I also wrote a lot of things out, and talked it over with myself, and picked a couple people here to unload on via pm mostly, having non judgmental feedback helped.
I cant say embrace your anger and pain, but realize its there and serves a purpose. Maybe understanding the hurts can help when you start working on setting personal healthy boundaries. Ooohh I like that !! I think I used my hurts this way, as a lesson and tool for better health.