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Old 10-10-2014, 09:14 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Thumper
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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That is a hard conversation to have. Allow youself some time to decompress.

Also, are there any words that drunk people hear? What's effective?
They can't hear us. There are no effective words. Actions are effective - at least for our own sake. Trying to reason and talk will only make you crazy IME.

I am prepared to leave if he won't. Should I talk to my daughter now and let her know what's going on so she's not blindsided by me packing us up and going to stay somewhere else suddenly on Sunday if he refuses.
.

At 11yo I think I would have a conversation about her dad's drinking and your decision that it is best for you and her to not be around it. When he next drinks you'll go somewhere else. Make sure she knows that it is OK to love her dad and that her dad will be fine! Kids so often worry about leaving a parent - they learn to care take from the best. Let her ask questions.

Be prepared. We would all like to think that the kids will sigh with relief and be on board with our plans but I discovered that was not always the case. One of my kids was full of anger and rage directed at me and he thought I was ruining everyone's life and making huge mean mistakes - and he shared those feelings with his actions and his words for quite some time.

The fighting between him and his brother was increased 20 fold and it was all their emotions coming out in the only way they knew how. There are stories where there is immediate calm and peace - but that isn't how it always works out. I was completely unprepared for that so just a share from a different angle.

It did work out btw and the kids saw the big picture in time. We do have a calm, loving, and peaceful household today.
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