Terrified.
Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. My A was thinking suicide. He was saying goodbye to me. He tried reaching out to hotlines (they weren't helpful), he felt alone...and he wanted to die.
There was nothing I could do. Nothing. Luckily his family and I worked on getting police to his apartment, he went to the ER. He was being evaluated for psychological disorders.
Needless to say, yesterday was the hardest day...
I'm flying to see him this afternoon. He's alive and he's doing much better. I just need to see him. I need to hold him, I need to sleep next to him, I need to hold his hand, I need to make sure he's really okay. It's so easy to say it over the phone, to fake a smile over skpe...but I'll know tonight.
Oh man. Just waiting for the time to go by will be so hard.