Thanks, allfor, engaging is definitely something I can do! LOL! I guess that it's learning to engage positively, which I do have problems with. I hold a lot of anger and resentment towards him that I need to work through, it does not promote healthy communication.
And that's exactly it, with us, communication. We used to communicate very well. then the drinking got more and more, and walls went up more and more, we both stopped communicating. I've got a lot of hope that this program, as well as our counseling, will help that.
I saw our counselor on my own yesterday. He wanted to see each of us individually. He is confident he can help us, but we both need to be in this 110%. I am, and I'm sure AH is. he hasn't drank for a week and has been working very hard on his temper and frustration levels. I have a lot of hope at the moment where I didn't before.
Blue, I am doing this without AH knowing too. I am not able at the moment to share this with him, he would not be very receptive and I don't really want to share. I want to start this and see how it goes. I think that's ok to keep it to yourself, you're not hiding anything, you are practicing it all in plain sight. It's only the mechanics that you've learned on your own. I'm not sure if your AH is like mine but mine isn't one to look into things and research, he'd much rather have things summed up for him or, even better, put into practice and he can just continue with it.