Hi Soverylost – hope you don’t mind my jumping in…
You got it right... CRAFT does not ask you to detach from your loved one… instead they ask you to Engage with your loved one…
One of the key components of the program is dependent on the level of communication between you.. Its hard to communicate at a high level if your detached..
later in the book you will learn how to respond to negative behaviors such as drinking episodes…or other situations you identify as you develop your plan. These events will require you to temporarily disengage. Whats important to think about is.. its your plan, specific to your relationship and the dynamics going on between you and your husband.
I found it all to be very exciting, but its challenging too.. and takes a lot of courage… change is a process, not an event so take your time and please keep us all posted as you go along.
Here are a couple of references, the first one may be what you were reading:
We do not teach detachment from the person you love. To the contrary, we try in every way to help you make the relationship work. We emphasize education, empowerment, and hope. You will learn to take charge of your life and to develop a better relationship with your loved one. Along with that, however you will also learn how to ensure a better quality of life for yourself, even if in the end your drinker chooses to remain drunk. – Get your loved one sober, alternative to nagging, pleading and threatening by Robert J. Meyers
…I would say engagement is almost the opposite of detaching… I think when you step away, you have no impact on the ability to make change – Dr Josh King, Center for Motivation and Change