Hey Team! I am still exhausted from the last two days - on guard still because being tired has been a trigger in the past. I agree with the hunger thing as
Scooter said...I make it a priority for me to have fruit and water with me especially when traveling to and from work in the city.
I am officially divorced as of yesterday. Still has not completely sunk in. That is interesting that the lunar eclipse was also yesterday
BBF...hmmm. The strangest things happened to me yesterday after court. As I was waiting for the train a complete stranger, an older man, came up to me and started talking to me about some incident with the train and then in friendly way started talking to me about his music career and his family. He said two things to me that jumped out...he said he was divorced and that he and his wife are good friends now but that when they were married she was dragging him down (note I had not said one word to him about my situation!)...the other thing he said to me is that God wants us to share his message of love with each other( in a non-preaching manner that reminded me of AA and SR). All afternoon I had several positive conversations with complete strangers...more than the usual small talk.
I wish I had
Choobie's writing skills to convey these experiences properly...I can't fully express it...it was like people could sense a very peaceful aura from me...I was emitting positive energy into the universe. I felt lighter.
I had time before work to walk around; it was a beautiful sunny day here in the Chi. My client lived a block away from Lake Michigan so I walked on the crispy leaves to the lakefront and just took a few deep breaths. I felt a calm sweep over me as I realized I was finally free from many of the ties to the past that were keeping me down emotionally and spiritually. I feel like I have an opportunity for a new life through sobriety and now an opportunity to truly focus on this new life now that I am divorced of the past. My ex can't hurt me anymore with his judgements because I'm moving on - I don't live in the past anymore.
I had a wonderful afternoon and evening yesterday. Work went well and continues to improve with my ongoing sobriety. I had a fun night with my two dear children which helped me to realize that all that matters is our relationship - not any judgements made by lawyers, judges, courts, my ex....I decided to say "screw them" instead of "screw it to sobriety"...they can't take this away from me and I am so grateful to have a close relationship with my kids - they tell me almost everything (they are teenagers so i'm sure there are some secrets) and we have so much fun and laugh a lot during our precious time together. They give me big hugs and tell me they love me all the time. I know they are proud of my sobriety and relieved that they don't have to worry so much about me. My daughter is very active in alateen and has even spoken at large midwest conferences. She gets it. They will be with me for this coming 4-day Columbus Day weekend and we are planning to decorate for Halloween and watch a ton of scary movies, eat popcorn
, play games, bake chocolate chip cookies, and just chill together. I am blessed.
So grateful to have stayed sober through all this. All of you helped to hold me up yesterday - thank you.