I worked really hard on building a stable life in sobriety, and I was successful. I stopped getting support, stopped writing about it, stopped thinking about it after a year or so and I just didn't drink anymore. Then I spent 4 years that way. In that time, I went back to school, created a new career, found new hobbies, found new friends, and I just lived my life-and I lived it well. And I would have continued to live that way. There was no more craving, so there was really nothing to fight and my focus was completely on life, not on alcohol at all. I didn't want to drink whatsoever.
Something obviously went wrong, though, because here I am. Actually a couple of somethings. I ended up drinking after being prescribed medication for PTSD that put me into a sort of mania, so I don't remember why I drank or the night I started drinking. I took it for only a few months, but during that time I quit a job that I loved and nearly broke up my family. Luckily, I was able to put everything back together again, but the drinking...
I can pin point three things that I didn't do that I think would have prevented my relapse:
1) I didn't admit to myself or anyone else that I had a problem. I actually made a promise to myself that as long as I quit drinking, I wouldn't have to examine my drinking or myself. If I had, I might have gotten support from my family, my pastor, my psychiatrist, my friends, or an awesome and beloved team like TeamAugust.
2) I didn't seek emotional sobriety. I kept using some pretty bad thinking to cope with life, and I avoided everything that felt "scary".
3) I confused abstinence with control.
If I had changed even any one of these things, I don't think even a medication fueled mania could have made me pick up a drink.
There is no reason in the world why any of us-each one of us-can't get sober and stay sober and live a full life. It's not a mystery or a secret. We are doing it right now!! And we will continue. And we will do it together. Relentless forward progress!