We used to live within biking distance of a brewery when we were in Syracuse and I was earning my masters degree. We used to go tasting there and bring home growlers in our backpacks. I was young enough then, that my heavy drinking was socially accepted. Today, a friend of mine posted an interview of the brewer on FB, and it took me so viscerally back to those "good old days" - when I was young, carefree... it was a year or so before my husband would be diagnosed with cancer, 7 years before our son would die. And for once, in a long, long time, I felt actually sad that I have chosen to never go taste at that brewery again. I've been back there a few times in the past 12 years, and it's never been the same... once, I went back sober; the last time, we went back with the kids, and I stood there with a tasting mug in one hand and a baby on my hip. I think back to that day, and realize that those days of my youth really are over, and no matter if I drink or not, they aren't coming back. It wasn't necessarily the drinking I missed when I saw the link to the brewer's interview (I didn't watch it) - it was the being young and carefree part.... so much of my life is tied to memories with alcohol.