lillamy

My therapist talks about something called "the slot machine effect." People who sit in front of a slot machine are harder to get away from the slot machine the longer they sit there. Because the longer they sit, the more they become convinced that if I leave now, maybe the next quarter I put in will be the one that lands me the jackpot. Codependent people in relationships act similarly: We've invested X years in this relationship, so what if we leave now and he becomes sober?

I'm not telling you to leave. But one thing that was hard for me to accept was that that man that I married might never come back. The person I had in front of me now -- the one I'd never associate with if he had been this way when we met -- what if he's the best it will ever get from now on?

The fact that he acknowledges in words that he needs help is good. Where the rubber meets the road is whether he will act on that and do something about it.

I have a friend who only needed to be told once to get help. That was it. She's been sober ever since. Little over 10 years now. I have other alcoholic friends who went to rehab, were sober, relapsed, sobered up again, relapsed, etc. Only time will tell what your husband will do. I do hope he's not far enough down the rabbit hole that he can't dig his way up.