This is a great question Lucrezia.
For me, some days the reasons to not drink are crystal clear. I am so empowered to change my life in a new direction, and it all feels so easy and so right. Unfortunately, some days are not like that. My mind is filled with reasons why I should have a drink, and those reasons that used to be crystal clear start to fade. Every day is a battle, and every day I have to remind myself of my reasons. You are not screwed. If you think you are, its a lie. I hope that your reasons become clearer to you. I hope that you are working to eliminate your pain, and that you are not going through it alone. I'm rooting for you!!