I cant believe I finally made it here ! I was reading earlier but didnt have time to post, then I saw Clean's new schedule and I became weak and almost fainted
I was safely revived by a stash of chocolate I had for these types of emergencies.
I get it though Clean. I had to make changes with SR too. In a way it is a little addictive I think so its important to fit it into our lives where its healthy. Your all my friends, and I count on you for your honesty, support, understanding, and laughter too. I like to try to give back the same, and share some of what Ive been learning as I go.
I think it comes down to boundaries for all of us, and I think this applies maybe to your situation also Dreamer. Ladyscribbler mentioned boundaries and I had never really heard of them discussed much until I came here. In the counseling sessions my doctor would ask me things like what I wanted, how do I feel and from these questions she helped me understand I did have boundaries in place. I think I grew up with a sense of boundaries and understanding how I wanted to be treated, knowing at what points I had to back off because it was becoming unhealthy for me, also letting go of people who were unhealthy for me (not just boys
) But its easy to get confused when life is spinning and Im emotional. I was thinking about boundaries a couple weeks ago when I found out from a friend something I thought my husband should have told me. I had to sit and ask myself where did personal boundaries fall, and where do they fall when your in a relationship? Looking at pointed questions like this is something new for me.
Over at Smart I had been reading about boundaries because they use them too. I was told to think of it really as Healthy boundaries for myself. using the word healthy has a more appealing feel to it for me, so Im going with it.
I think your time issue is about setting healthy boundaries Clean.
Butter I think some of B's inconsiderate behavior should hit smack against one of your own personal boundaries regarding how friends are allowed to treat you.
I think you should think about boundaries too Dreamer in terms of how much head space he takes up if its feeling negative in terms of taking care of your personal priorities. And it doesnt mean break up with him, just controlling our emotions.
I have to do the same thing with my husband and worries I have. I dont want to run from him, or my emotions. I want to learn to control them, and this is something Im still working on. We can all work together ??
The other part, Smart says boundaries are not like those big unmovable metal signs and rows of orange cones set up on the road to block traffic. They are more like velvet ropes at the movies. We can move them as we need to. The boundaries are there to keep order, make life peaceful, and to invite people into our lives in a healthy way.
So this means you can make a schedule Clean but its ok to be flexible too. The more time we have with you the better, at least for US !!
And now for the silly. I went to the ATM and lost my card. Would you believe they called my husband to say they found my ATM card. Then I tried to make it there before they closed and was about 5 minutes too late because of traffic, Im blaming it on one particularly slow driver in a red buick !! I was so upset, now I have to go there tomorrow. Whats worse, I know they have surveillance, heck one day they had an armed guard outside with a bullet proof vest on. When I lost the card, I backed the car up, got out of the car walked all around, looked under the car, looked under my seats.
Im sure I looked soooo stupid ! but no, I had put the card in the deposit envelope and inserted it into the machine. My husband was being funny in reference to drugs. He asked if I had been to the ATM drawing money out for candy.