It is good to be busy because it is only when I slow down (during those few hours or late at night) that the reality of my life hits me and I have a really hard time with that.
This raised a lot of red flags for me. Know why? Because I recognize it. My dad used to say "I'm always skeptical of people who are busy all the time. I always wonder what it is they're avoiding dealing with?" -- and that's so me.
I learned to replace hectic activity with apparent (but not real) relaxation. Instead of getting involved in 387 volunteer activities to keep me busy, I started bingewatching TV series on Netflix. In all honesty, I think it was to avoid thinking.
Well -- it backfired. And with kids as canaries in the coal mine, it had to come to a crisis with one of my kids before I realized how much I can't push stuff away, how I
am going to have to deal with it, feel all the uncomfortable, scary feelings, and how that's a necessary (dammit) step to dealing with them.
As for when you're ready to date... well, I married a guy I've been friends with since childhood. There was no learning curve and no getting to know there. But I can honestly tell you that if I hadn't married him, I probably wouldn't feel I was ready to date (weird as that sounds). After my divorce, the guys I was attracted to were still disasters -- controlling, abusive, even without addictions.
I think I would start with getting comfortable being alone. Honestly. Because being in a state of loneliness -- especially after a dysfunctional relationship -- is a bad, bad place to start a new relationship. How do I know? Because that's how I ended up with AXH...