Originally Posted by
TheDreamer 
He lied to me. He's lying to me currently. He joined SR tonight and we were texting. He said that he was chatting and I was so happy to hear that. My phone died so I went on there to send a private message and wish him goodnight...I read something I wasn't meant to read. He's drinking. Right now. He's drinking.
He says he can "control it." My heart hurts. So much. All I want to do is be held and told that everything will be okay. I feel so alone right now. So empty. To take one step. And then to take multiple steps back. I can't even comprehend this right now. I am SO stressed. My personal family life is going crazy. My school - I have such an opportunity and he promised me he would be stronger for us. So that we can both have a better future.
It's times like these where my patience and my hope want to break. To shatter into a million pieces and take my entire existence with them.
Last week I had a Bio exam. I did terrible on it. I don't want to blame him, but hell. Part of it was him. I couldn't focus on anything no matter how hard I tried. Because he was all I could think about. He was just right there on my mind.
He just texted me. I don't want to give up on him. I don't feel ready to walk away yet, because I know he's strong. But I wish I could just ignore him without having that gut wrenching feeling of utter distress.
" He cant control it " is what makes it an addiction Dreamer... right now perhaps he's at a turning point where he wants to learn skills to help him control it. Did he join SR for himself.. to talk with others, look for support? If so.. regardless of his drinking at this moment, its a positive step. But I suggest letting him have his privacy to explore his feelings...
Its very hard to focus on ourselves when someone we care about is basically engaged in self harm.... your two states away... and there's a limit to what you can do from afar... BUT what you can do is focus on the goals you have set for yourself and your own self care. What you might try is actually turning off your phone when your studying, or setting specific times to talk with him, and even allow yourself certain blocks of times to think about him and the overall situation.
I can read in your post all the emotion just from what happened tonight.. is this something that happens often? Is it a constant? How do you feel about your reaction to his behavior?