I, too, behaved like a crazy woman while breaking up with my last A boyfriend. I first had a "reasonable" break up with him, there was "talking it through," he returned. My behavior escalated and I was ashamed of myself. Like you, I felt I had hit a low in which my behavior was worse than his. He smirked at one point during my out-of-control-ness, and I knew that he felt satisfaction that I had sunk.
Now, two months later, I am starting to understand that I had to reach my bottom in that relationship. I had to sever that tie in that way. It got me back in recovery. The shame kept me in recovery. The realization that I had lost him FOR my ideals of what I wanted from life (cause I did love him, and it was a loss) kept me in recovery. And most importantly, he stayed gone.
I am sure that he told his friends that I was insane. I'm sure it blanketed his FB page. I don't know, because he cut me off the next morning.
I think that the self-preserving part of me, the part of me that loves me best, pushed my behavior that night. I think it was the only way that the relationship really would have ended. I was powerless to ask him to go; a few love words thrown at me carelessly would reel me right back in. The fierce animal of me saved me that night.
Where do you go from here? Forward, sister.
Give what happened the importance it deserves. It was a pivotal moment in your life. It may have been your bottom - on codependency, on alcohol. Don't waste all these feelings. Use them and become...