I have just dumped a decent man because deep down I love my ex.
Let me rephrase that for you: You have just dumped a decent man because
you are not yet healed from having been in a relationship with an alcoholic.
Trust me on that. You are not damaged for life. We do heal, and we're pretty good at it. I also think that in alcoholic relationships, we get a skewed picture of what
love is. Love is not putting a person before yourself who treats you like dirt. I don't know if there is a word for it, but "love" is definitely not the right term. Love is not giving and giving and giving to someone who takes you for granted and treats you like dirt.
It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't differentiate between
love and
pity -- they
felt the same to me. I still have a hard time some days
accepting love.
It's as though a body part has gone and without it My life is pointless as I need that body part back to be happy, to love, to be me!
THAT is what I would bring up in counseling. And burrow down into
why you feel that way. What was it the relationship made you feel that you're missing? Why do you think only your ex can provide that? That's the kind of questions I would be asking myself.