dj328

Hi All,

So I'm not really sure where to start, except that I joined this forum specifically to ask people who have been through the same issues for some advice and support.

My best friend is an alcoholic. We used to live together I have seen him at his lowest, and he has done some pretty awful things to me while under the influence. When he's sober he's a lot of fun, and has been a great support and friend to me over the many years we've known each other... he's like the brother I never had and I really love him. Ultimately I couldn't live with him, for my own sanity and for the sake of such a significant friendship... So we've lived apart for 2 years now, but see each other weekly and make a point of having boys nights to catch up and hang out. We're both in our early 30s.

In the time I've known him, over about 5 years or so, he's tried to cut down drinking a few times, and inevitably begins with just one, then just two, and the time between gets shorter and he's drinking a lot again. I recognise the cycle so well I could time a clock to it! The problem is, of course, that the time is getting shorter between the cycles now (the last one was three months from 'just one drink' to getting very drunk most nights).

The most recent crash-and-burn occured in April, so 6 months ago, when his flatmate (a friend of mine too) called me at 1130pm on a Sunday saying he'd come home totally drunk talking about jumping in front of cars... It was the first time she'd dealt with that (but it was very familiar to me) and she was understandably very upset. I spoke to him the next day and he said he'd called in to a therapist (who'd been recommended 6 months earlier when a similar incident had happened) and stopped drinking straight away - cold turkey - with the support of me and his flatmate, and the psychologist.

All was going well until he attended a wedding in July and was given a beer - which he accepted and drank cos he didn't want to appear rude. He very sheepishly told me a week later and I said, it's cool man, people slip up, you're doing so well... Then tonight, I was at a pub with another mate (the pub where my best mate and I used to drink all the time, so everyone knows us!) and the manager said "Oh it's been ages! Hey I saw your mate just last Friday! How are you all going?"

I asked the manager if my mate had been drinking, he said yes... He explained that my mate had told him that he'd been staying away to avoid drinking cos he was hitting it really hard, but it was good to see him back...

So I don't know if this is an isolated incident. I don't know if it's been habitual (the April incident had been part of a larger habit that he completely kept form me - because I had called him out on his poor behaviour towards me while he's drunk in the past and told him I won't put up with it).

And I really really don't know what to do... Or what to think... I don't want to confront him and make him hide things from me, but I don't want to have to deal with his alcoholism again, especially as we're planning a month-long trip in December - just the two of us.

This is a super long post - and barely covers the detail of his journey, and of my part in it, but for now... For those who have been here... What can I do at this point?

Thanks,
DJ