Originally Posted by
Pringle 
Many thanks everyone for your kind words. Walking the blade.....that sounds about right! I just wish I was either always out of control or never out of control. That is part of the problem for me as well, in that my friends kind of laugh it off because they only see it happening once in a while or maybe once every few years. In truth I know it is happening more often, because one particular friend only sees it occasionally.
In any event, the Russian roulette is getting old and I am ready to try not to drink for a month or two and go from there. Baby steps and I am so blessed to have somewhere to turn too now with people that understand.
I work out a lot and I think that can be my excuse to tell folks when they push a drink on me. It does kill my workouts for at least a day or two afterwards if I get hammered.
I am a problem drinker....that I have no doubt about.
Thanks again everyone. Be well!
Lots of this rings true for me too. While I just finished a 3 months stretch with nothing bad happening, I had a horrible blackout Friday and woke up in the ER after presumably falling asleep on the subway (I checked the activity log that posts online and that makes more sense now). Anyway, I can control it most of the time, but it gets out of control and either embarassing or scary.
I suspect some of my friends think there's a problem, but it's really just a handful of times a year and then different friends see different bad episodes. The two times I've been hospitalized I've told nobody but my doctor and none of my friends saw that happen.
I'm also planning baby steps. Currently planning to stay sober until Saturday the 26th. There's an event then where booze will be served. I'm just focusing now on getting to that day completely sober and will tackle that as it comes.
For me, the hardest part about all of this is that I do have good times when drinking and when I'm in control. it's nowhere remotely close to the embarrassment/despair of the bad episodes, but it keeps my brain saying "just make sure THAT doesn't happen again, and you'll be fine." Well, I'm 29 now and in the 13 years I've been drinking "THAT" has happened way too many times. The periods of sobriety and control are, for me, growing longer over time, which is similarly playing mind games where I think it's fine to go back.
It's tough, no doubt.