Instead of thinking about how awful this kid probably will be and stressing about his mother (who is NOT your partner), why not consider all the good you could bring to him? You could be just what he needs to heal and recover.[/QUOTE]
Oh my, I don't ever think how awful he will be...I don't even know him! I think a clearer statement of the issue I'm grappling with is this: I have a right to choose how I want to live the last third of my life...or however much I have left. If and when I pick that person, his circumstances come with him. In this case...I get to decide if this situation is right for me in its entirety. I envisioned this stage of life as retirement....not going back into child rearing mode. By the time that child goes to college...I'll be 75 years old. I'm easily old enough to have an 8 year old grandchild. My child is grown and thriving. And I get to choose. I'd better choose wisely....but I absolutely get to choose. I came here to gain perspective and insight...and SR never ever fails me. I want to consider every part of this...some parts I can't see myself. Thank you for your comments!