Cannot take much more
Dear SR,
I'm sitting here in the home I love and have lived I'm for 15 yrs.
I've raised my children, watched them laugh and learn and fall and recover.
My mind had to be programmed to accept addiction as a disease to which I am powerless to fixing.
My heart and my will have been challenged by near fatal accidents, overdoses and suicide attempts.
I have been alone with my mind for too long.
My support rose me to above this painful level. I greatly appreciated my group meetings. I saw other mothers cry...made me cry for their suffering and inability to help our children. We can only help ourselves. My heart ached for my children. Just to hear their voices...
SR saw me threw all of this....
Then, when I started feeling stronger and better and healthy...another bomb hit my world.
Today, via text message, my husband informed me that for his best interests, he has filed for a divorce and that I should be served by the end of the week...I just stared at my iPhone. What? After 30 yrs of marriage he wants a divorce? He Said there's too drama and he wants out. He had it all figured out, in this text, I would pay for this and he would pay for that?
My heart just about threw its self out of my mouth. What about me?
I've been here with all this drama, alone, while he went to work in MN. He has walked away, he has quiet and peace. What about me? Where did this strength go? Where did my courage go? Where did the love go?
No blame game happening here. I know drug addiction has played a part, but if I could do it over again, would I enable my children, neglect my marriage, fight for something I thought was lasting a life time?
I'm in shock. I know. I was texted a devastating blow, an unexpected message when he should of told me in person. What is it with the text messaging these days?
Where did telling someone to their face go? Or at least face time?
I'll never know now. The last brick was pulled out of the marriage and now I'm all alone. I'm all alone.
I needed to tell someone. You have been my constant friend. I am alone now and it hurts.
It really hurts.
TF