Welcome to the Forum!!
Every time I started to drink again after a period of Sobriety I also thought I could moderate, or at least had I illusion that I could for a while, I wasn't blackout drunk on the first night, it didn't happen straight away but within a few weeks things spiralled once again to my old ways.
This I concluded wasn't moderation, this was oiling the old gears of not being able to control my drinking, it just took a bit of time to get the engine started, in the end Sobriety was the solution to the problem.
Alcohol doesn't seem to be doing you any favours, isn't it madness to cling on to something that creates misery just for the sake of a social life, which includes making a fool of yourself? there's no sense in that surely, if alcohol is affecting your life then that's the priority to sort out, and the rest can take a back seat.
You'll find loads of support here on SR to help you do it!!
