Many thanks everyone for your kind words. Walking the blade.....that sounds about right! I just wish I was either always out of control or never out of control. That is part of the problem for me as well, in that my friends kind of laugh it off because they only see it happening once in a while or maybe once every few years. In truth I know it is happening more often, because one particular friend only sees it occasionally.
In any event, the Russian roulette is getting old and I am ready to try not to drink for a month or two and go from there. Baby steps and I am so blessed to have somewhere to turn too now with people that understand.
I work out a lot and I think that can be my excuse to tell folks when they push a drink on me. It does kill my workouts for at least a day or two afterwards if I get hammered.
I am a problem drinker....that I have no doubt about.
Thanks again everyone. Be well!