Hi Pringles, you seem to be where I was a few years ago. I've spent most of last 10 years trying to walk the edge of the blade. Lately I've been slipping deeper and was at the point you wished for in your post. Time/alcohol has given me enough humiliation that the scales have, I think, tipped towards total abstinence for me. If I wasn't an alcoholic I wouldn't spend so much of my energy trying to convince myself I'm not. I don't know what my new social life will be either....watching the 'game' with the guys etc....but for me it can't involve alcohol ever again. Hang in there...I'm rooting for you.