Hiya Mrrryyyahhhh
I've made two prior attempts at sobriety aside from this time (The Last Time, haha). Each time, the first few months saw me behave like a bot when it came to relationships and the emotions that go along with it.
If I had one thing to learn from those prior experiences - and that which I am trying to apply to this sober life now - is not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The first time, in 2010, I filed for divorce (I know, right?!) the second time, earlier this year, I kicked my boyfriend out.
Yeah. Not a little embarrassed about those actions, noooo. <sarcasm>
So, I guess, don't be me. Try not to be rash; I understand those feelings like you're just using him, that what y'all had together was simply because you were under the influence and your mind wasn't right, that you should get all your stuff straight on your own so you can figure out who YOU are without HIM, etc.
One thing I noticed as well, along those lines, is even though we stop drinking, we still are very much the same person - just because I sobered up, didn't mean that I was no longer attracted to my exes' personalities. I was! In fact, years later, my ex-h and I are great friends, and the bf with whom I broke up earlier this year is admittedly someone I am still attracted to. They are both good people (details aside, of course, because we all have our faults).
So my long-winded .02 is - give it a chance. And air your feelings to him (reasonably, when you're in a good place of mind). Bottling them up makes them worse and for me, led to unnecessary resentment. Talking about them gives them less power, and you may find that it's all in your head, and that sharing this with him will bring you back closer, instead of in orbit with your own thoughts. If he's the good person he sounds like he is, he will understand.
