Originally Posted by
hopeful4 
I have an 8 year old. The thing is, they don't need people coming in and out of their lives, especially this poor child who has enough unstability. When you marry a person, you marry their child also. You also take on the issues with that child and need to be able to form a bond with that child.
Good luck!
I'm
very well aware of all of this...your comments are all appreciated, but not really what I was asking. As I mentioned previously...we've both chosen NOT to have me involved with the child until we both are resolved that the situation is manageable and acceptable (by me) and we have the resources to do a good job. We are in couples counseling. We are being as responsible as we can be before we involve the child in any of it.
My question was more along the lines of how do I get to the right decision so I CAN be clear this is a role I'm willing to take on? Perhaps because so much is unknowable it's been very hard for me to get to my own deep truth about it. I don't know that it would be...but looking into a future of perpetual crisis management does not look like what I'd like for whatever time I have left on the planet. I can't possibly know what specific challenges the child himself will have...I don't know him at this point. He seems delightful from what I know of him through his dad...and also likely to have alcoholic damage as well. I'm likely asking the impossible unknowable questions....so nevermind. I'm probably still traumatized by my own AH so thinking of stepping anywhere into this arena again seems pretty awful to me. I'm open to see this differently...but I'm just not there yet.
