Oh I know. Mental health care is terribly difficult to come by. You're doing good things for yourself -- therapy, CoDA, exercise. Just be gentle with yourself. That perfectionist thing always lurks under the surface for us codies -- "if I can't run every time I've planned on running, I'm lazy failure" kind of thing?
And I'll be curious to hear about your experience with EMDR. I'm going to be starting it, too, so we can compare notes. (((hugs)))