"So, I am still picking away at the book and I still feel like there is a big disconnect. It keeps emphasing you MUST go to meetings, you MUST get a sponsor, etc. I wont be doing that. Its just not an option. Am I doomed?"
I just wrote one of pat tended drawn out posts and gone...I've had terrible IT issues with the site, reset my p/w like 10x. Shows how much I miss it here. Anyway, I identify with your entire post but I will start with the quoted and paraphrase as I'm headed to soccer, football and first, homework
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I found the same problems with AA. Even after 1 year of weekly meetings, some purests still tell me I'm "suspect" because I have chosen not to work with a sponsor and have not "formally" stepped. Old new me says fuqem and New old me says that I will do this on my terms and make it my recovery. Some may say its EGO driven but I have learned enough about me and this process to know that it will only work on my terms and with me at the wheel. Once I stopped fighting the YOU MUSTS and focused on the "what I wants", I was able to see through the cloud I created, not saying you are, and could pick out some amazing pearls that fit ME.
Oh, and you are not doomed...ohcountryfair...you are blessed with a drive to question your journey which I think leads to a very personal understanding. A wise "young" deck prognosticator once told me this and I'd like to share it. Be patient with yourself, you are doing great.
Great post hap, thanks.