Originally Posted by
happybeingme 
So, I am still picking away at the book and I still feel like there is a big disconnect. It keeps emphasing you MUST go to meetings, you MUST get a sponsor, etc. I wont be doing that. Its just not an option. Am I doomed?
Then there is "our parents did this or that. Or told us this or that". What if I said my parents didnt do much of anything. That I was left to figure out everything my self. The dont talk, dont trust, dont feel. I learned that based on the rejection I got from the wider world. When my parents divorced I had classmates who wouldnt talk to me anymore because it was like I had a disease. The best way I could describe my life was I was profoundly neglected. Even the basics were hit or miss. Money for food?? Maybe. Clean clothes? If I washed them. And the thing is I didnt grow up in some southern backwater. Instead I grew up in an all white, Italian/Polish, Catholic working class neighborhood and I was white, German/Irish, Presbyterian, and poor. So, I was neglected at home and bullyed at school. Can reading the book and taking the steps help me?
Happy... You know my history with ACA better than almost anyone. You were there when I started!! So when I say this - there are only 20 meetings in my entire country and the local meeting I started meets every two weeks - you'll appreciate that I can identify with there being 'limited' local meetings as well as anyone.
The book also says: Healing begins when we RISK moving out of isolation. There is always risk; from my perspective I balanced the risk of seeing someone I know, with the risk of living an unfulfilled life. An unfulfilled life was an infinitely greater risk than bumping into someone I know.
I completely get what you say about 'my parents didn't do much of anything'... My Dad was mostly absent, my Mum was mostly drunk, when my Dad was not absent he was drunk. It was heavier on the neglect than the abuse (if you like), but neglect is abuse.
Ignoring someone is IMHO one of the worst things to do to another human being - when my parents did it, it was neglect & abuse. Their contact also included neglect and abuse, but not 100% of the time. It included abandonment even when they were present. This is still abuse! The effects are the same, subtle or overt abuse is still abuse. Soul scars instead of physical scars. Scars are still scars.
From the book and in the spirit of 'similarities not differences': I identify with the fear, the shame, the sense of being less than. I identify with the 14 traits (and their opposite), the co dependence, the internalized modes of thinking and acting... etc etc
I've found attending meetings to be extremely beneficial. I can't express the benefit I've got from them well enough in words - perhaps I can ask you to trust me on that point?.
I'm not saying you should/or shouldn't go btw, but as a suggestion try dropping the word 'never' from the statement. Try, I might go, but I'm not ready, or I'm not going tonight, but I may consider it sometime in the future. Or I'm not ruling anything out. Just a suggestion.
Also as a suggestion would you consider this? What if there are no people you know AND you find them really beneficial. What if you love it and find it brings you freedom from the past and brings you serenity. What happens if you find more recovery than you ever dreamed possible?
As for "am I doomed"... I'm pretty sure you're not. As you well know and have seen written, its not the only way to recover. It's just one way that works well for some. I can only tell you it is working for me, it really is.