Originally Posted by
tiredmum 
Like I'm dealing with two separate people...
this is exactly how I feel about my XAP. Its almost like there is a good(sober) and bad(drunk) war going on in his head. And I can never tell which one will win each day or hour.
Yes, that is so hard, the not knowing which side of him you are going to meet, and the anxiety and eggshell walking that comes along with it.... SO over that.
It took me a while to realize and really believe that NO MATTER WHAT I did or said or didn't do or didn't say, if the bad side was going to come out, it was going to come out. I would think, well maybe if I just don't say anything, or maybe if I just agree with everything he says, or if we have steak for dinner, or if I can keep the kids from whining, then maybe he will stay in a good mood. But it didn't matter... I can't control it, and I know that now.