Originally Posted by heartcore

I agree with the others. For me, I have swung back and forth between total abstinence and moderation attempts for many years. Currently, abstinence is the right answer for me.

I'm not sure that anyone can truly commit to forever. It's like a marriage - full of intention, vowing those vows in front of your community, meaning them as you say them with every cell in your being. Flowers and doves and teary hope. But things change. We change.

Luckily, no one is asking me to commit to forever. I'm committed to giving my sobriety the best of my energy - today. Committed to honoring my recovery and caring for myself - today. Abstaining - today.

When I look back over my experience, I think I needed to experiment with moderation at many different points in my life, different circumstances. I've tried in enough different "situations" to drink moderately (in this relationship or that one, living here or there) to realize that - um - the problem is with me. I carry my relationship with alcohol through all those situations, tucked deep within, and - interestingly - it ends up morphing into such a presence that it ultimately changes all those situations and circumstances, basically taking over its role as my director.

And I find my situation changed. And I lose the healthy relationship or grow weary of the place, and there I am, back at square one, trapped in an obsessive love embrace with my very unwell beloved - the alcohol.

Back in the day, when AA first started, the folks recruited (yes, back then it was an intense effort to find and contact the drinking alcoholic) were deep, deep inside their alcoholism. They were bathtub gin kind of guys. Rummys. Drunks.

It is a very different experience, much more confusing in some ways, to be, well, us. I'm a professional woman, successful in my life in most ways, capable, involved in my community, included, and I know that I have an "uncomfortable relationship with wine." My challenges are interior and - for the most part - private.

Abstinence seems like a hell of an over the top response to that, when I look at it with that lens. It is very easy to think - no, I've just got to get control over that aspect of my life, just like when I "decide" to get fit or lose weight.

I read something great the other night on here, even wrote it down in my notebook, and it sums up the truth for me, right now:
"Functional alcoholism is a stage in alcoholism, not a type of alcoholic."

Bottom line - I'm happier sober. I like myself more. But whether that is expressed in abstinence for you, or you are interested in exploring yourself through moderation, the common thread we all have here is that we're trying to be sober today, and to support each other in our growth. My hope is that we have MANY different voices in this community.