My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Life throws some nasty crap at us. Sometimes it seems more than we can bare. Our loved ones are gone and we are left behind. I have found it is necessary to grieve but it is also OK to have gratitude for the gifts we do have.
It has been two months since my daughter's death and I miss her terribly but each day gets a little better.
You are a survivor. All we can do is rejoice in the good times, reach out when the pain is unbearable, and accept the world as it is not how we want it to be