Originally Posted by
honeypig 
But you CAN. You do NOT have to give her space in your head if you do not choose to. Here's a suggestion on how to start:
I see your first posts here are on August 30. Since then, you have 114 posts. Every single one of them is in this thread except for a handful right at the beginning that are in one other thread. However, even those posts are all about you and your situation. You haven't shown any interest in anyone else's situation by posting to any other threads.
Take off those blinders and look around you! Other people are struggling here too; maybe a kind word or some support from you would make their day. It doesn't take a car, gas money, a job or anything else to do that. All you have to do is stop thinking of what you've lost (or believe you've lost) and think about what you have to give. Then DO IT. Reach out to someone who needs it, even if all you can say is "I'm sorry you're struggling" or "I wish you well." What you get back will be so much more than what you give.
Yes, your situation is bad. But you're not the only one who's had to overcome a mountain of crap. Reading the stories here would help you realize that. Others have found their path to recovery, one small step at a time. You can, too. You are no different and no less than anyone else here.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
Honeypig, this is one of the BEST pieces of advice I have ever read here at SR.
Trooper - don't take this personally, you haven't offended anyone. What Honey is trying to illustrate for you here is that you don't have to CHOOSE to stay in this mode of "Victim Mentality".
At some point it stops being about what was done *to* us & more about what we are *doing* to change it. She's obviously sick, so ask yourself why does her opinion matter to you in any way? Her family is doing what dysfunctional families do - they circle the wagons to protect the injured member..... they don't want to see the reality of her issues any more than she does, they are AS SICK as she is, so again, why does their opinion of you matter?
As Honey also pointed out, stepping out into other threads here at SR helps get some perspective. You may be shocked at how much you learn once you open up & start seeing the similarities in your story to so many others here.
A common thread among us here is that we try not to focus *too much* on our Qualifiers or their recovery - our Success Stories come from US, from OUR recoveries, from OUR growth. Your Ex was horrible to you, but are you going to let her define how you go forward in life?
Hang in there!