Hi Rita......I had my 2nd DUI in 14 years about 1 1/2 years ago. The shame & sense of hopelessness I felt was so bad...I seriously wanted to throw some things in a backpack, get myself up to the freeway, stick my thumb out & disappear. If it wasn't for the fact that would have hurt the ones that loved me more than the other...I would have done that. I didn't & just tried to be thankful that I didn't hurt anyone. All total it cost over $7000.00, lost my license for a year, have an emissions device for 2 years, went through a treatment program, lost my job because part of my job was transporting clients. I'm getting through it though.....I think the thing that has helped me the most is knowing I'm not alone in this....your not alone in this (PM me anytime). When I went to court....there was 2 other people being charged with manslaughter, for drinking & driving...that could have been me. ((hugs to you))....you will get through this.