Sorry to hear of your hard time, Rina. In the early days of getting sober, I could NOT look at the negatives, I was in such a bad head space that would have sent me over the edge. Instead, do what you have to do to make things right, and then be kind to yourself, you can examine your behaviors later- but do try and stay sober. Nothing will be better if you drink, and if you think one DUI is bad, two would be worse.
There is lots of advice on this site, and lots of people with experience that will share with you. Stay, and get better. Because it really does get better.