Changes - I'm both a recovering codie (my main problem, though I didn't realize it) and an RA. I first drank to keep up or put up with XABF#1. that no longer worked so I tried opiates and lost my career of nursing and XABF#1.
Got clean, was still codie and hooked up with XABF#2, a supposed recovering cocaine addict. I soon joined him in his crack addiction as I wanted to fit in. Got tired of him, found XABF#3, another crackhead. Hit my bottom and found SR. lurked for a couple of years, finally joined when I had 6 months clean.
XABF#1 and I have mutual friends. He is still "messed up" and married another codie who made me look pale in comparison, and I was a really good codie. XABF#2? I have no idea. He'd had 3 heart attacks from crack and was still out hustling for more. XABF#3? dead. He decided his crack pipe was more important than going to a doctor and died of pneumonia in a crack house.
Me? Over 7-1/2 years in recovery. Clung to this thread as a lifeline. I still have my codie moments, but I finally realized that *I* cannot fix anyone other than myself. I know longer want people in my life who have substance abuse problems and are not willing to do the work involved for recovery. Don't show up, later, and beg me for a second chance. I gave you that opportunity, many times, and you let me down every time. I don't deserve it and neither do you.
Last year, my step mom and I barely spoke for 6 months because she was escalating in pill abuse. I told her she was going to die, make a list of what she wanted to go to who and she said "F you". In the end, I found her dead on the floor. I tried CPR, but knew it was too late.
I LIVED her addiction but I couldn't help her. I couldn't help my stepsister who was high on heroine when she died, and I cut all ties to my stepbrother who was drunk, obnoxious and threatening at the funeral
All I can do is remove myself from toxic loved ones, and focus on my life. You deserve to do the same. Ignore the message, move forward and don't look back. I agree with the others... He's run out of people to support him and is playing with your mind to take him back. Been there, done that, got a ton of t-shirts in all colors. It's just not worth it, in my opinion.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy